Sad Trombone

Compliments of reader Dusty "Debbie Downer" Baker. The image quality would be better, but the lens got all tear smudged. (cries)

Solution: Vox Populi, Vox Dei

Well, that about clears it out in here ladies and gentlemen. Here's how yesterday's puzzle broke down. Starting with the familiar quote from Vin, and changing the letters as instructed, one moves from page to page, each starting and ending with a familiar quote.

"A very pleasant good evening to you, wherever you may be." (Vin Scully) becomes "Baseball is only dull to dull minds" (Red Barber) becomes "I led the league in go get 'em next time." (Bob Uecker) becomes "It could be. It might be. It is! A home run!" (Harry Caray) becomes "I went through baseball as a player to be named later" (Joe Garagiola) becomes "...behind the bag, it gets by Buckner!" (Vin Scully)

The second Scully quote becomes an instruction. "Tinyurl. Use the first letter of each last name."

The quotes run Scully, Barber, Uecker, Caray, Garagiola, Scully, so the resulting URL is http://tinyurl.com/sbucgs, which takes you to Don Drysdale's Baseball Reference page.

It has been a wild ride with you guys, though I'm looking forward to a offseason to replenish the contents of my cranium.

Sadly, the victory parade has been canceled due to a slow economic quarter, but the board of directors has graciously agreed to provide a small token of gratitude to the victor for his efforts, to be announced shortly.

Vox Populi, Vox Dei

This is your VORP season right here, folks. It starts in a very familiar way. I trust you will approve

"A very pleasant good evening to you, wherever you may be."

1. Change "Pleasant" to the last name of the MLB player who shares his first name with Dodger farmhand Paul, and move after the name of a month.

2. Delete every vowel, including Y

3. Replace every R with LL

4. Change every V to U, every H to A, and every W to O

5. Replace the last name of a Washington National with the position he plays.

6. Replace an ordinal number with "only"

7. Switch the first letter that appears before a double letter with the letter that occurs before the next double letter.

8. Change G to IS.

9. Move the last letter to the front, then move the 16th letter to the end.

10. Move the 16th and 17th letters four positions to the right. 

11. Move the 15th letter 9 positions to the right.

12. Move the antonym for "acid" to the beginning of the line.

13. Add a D before every U             

14.Go to http://caveemptorem.blogspot.com/p/last name of the person quoted.html

The answer to the puzzle is a Dodger. Comment freely in the thread, but if you have the solution, please don't give it away to everyone in the comments section. Instead, do the following:

• email me with the first and last name of the Dodger who is the answer, along with your reasoning (answers arrived at via luck or the wrong reasoning, even if correct, count for participation credit only). Please include your screen name somewhere in the email.
• Post a comment simply saying you have emailed your solution attempt. I may not be able to reply to your original email promptly, so please be patient and check back on the comment thread for the latest news; I may confirm correct answers there.

You have until 11pm PT tonight to submit your answer. Solution will be posted tomorrow. Good luck!

Solution: Winning Builds…Something Something

Here's the dish on yesterday's puzzle. You were instructed to "Run the numbers" but the clues you were given didn't make a lot of sense on their own, so let's parse them out. Each clue is associated with a particular number or year.

• A medical journal from the year that Watson and Crick made their famous discovery. - DNA discovered in 1953
  
• A novel featuring the adventures of an Assyrian-American WWII bombardier. - Catch-22
• A 8x10 glossy of the Pope, signed "To Mr. C - Keep up the good work!" - Benedict XVI
• A set of architectural plans for the top floor of the Empire State Building. - 102nd Floor
• A copy of the official MLB rule book from the first year the DH was used. - DH was instituted in 1973
• Edmond Halley's Synopsis Astronomia Cometicae. - Halley's comet returns every 75 years.
• A psychological treatise on the origins and causes of triskadekaphobia. - Fear of the number 13
• A Torah. - 5 Books of Moses
• The transcript of the Quayle/Gore/Stockdale Vice-Presidential debate. - 1992 Presidential campaign
• A guitar tab from the Beatles' "White Album" - Revolution 9
• The infamous inaugural address of the first president to die in office. - William Henry Harrison was the ninth president
• The book Lost Moon by Kluger and Lovell. - Subtitled "Apollo 13"
• Eliot Asinof's baseball scandal retrospective. - "8 Men Out"

So our resulting pattern is 53, 22, 16, 102, 73, 75, 13, 5, 92, 9, 9, 13, 8. If we consult the dreaded periodic table and use the abbreviations for the elements listed above, we get the following. I, TI, S, NO, TA, RE, AL, B, U, F, F, AL, O. A Bison is most certainly not a real Buffalo, but Matt Kemp is most certainly the Bison.

Thanks to all who played. I'll update the standings faster than a stampeding Bison.

Winning Builds…Something Something

Differing personalities can periodically have unexpected effects on a clubhouse. Sometimes they are complimentary, and other times they...well, other times they break their hand punching a concrete wall or get injured "washing their truck". Still, it can't all be magic, can it? Are there some elements of a team that can be scientifically isolated and proven? Yours Truly was testing a hypothesis, but the secret laboratory was left in disarray when I fled the country following the previous VORP puzzle debacle. See if you can run the numbers and recreate my findings based on the items that were abandoned on the table in the rush.

• A medical journal from the year Watson and Crick made their famous discovery. (date)
  
• A novel featuring the adventures of an Assyrian-American WWII bombardier. (title)
  
• A 8x10 glossy of the Pope, signed "To Mr. C - Keep up the good work!" (ordinal)
  
• A set of architectural plans for the top floor of the Empire State Building. (ordinal)
  
• A copy of the official MLB rule book from the first year the DH was used. (date)
  
• Edmond Halley's Synopsis Astronomia Cometicae. (time)
  
• A psychological treatise on the origins and causes of triskaidekaphobia. (numeral)
  
• A Torah. (count)
  
• The transcript of the Quayle/Gore/Stockdale Vice-Presidential debate. (date)
  
• A guitar tab from the Beatles' "White Album". (title)
  
• The infamous inaugural address of the first president to die in office. (ordinal)
  
• The book Lost Moon by Kluger and Lovell. (title)
  
• Eliot Asinof's baseball scandal retrospective. (title)
  

The answer to the puzzle is a current Dodger. Comment freely in the thread, but if you have the solution, please don't give it away to everyone in the comments section. Instead, do the following:

• email me with the first and last name of the Dodger who is the answer, along with your reasoning (answers arrived at via luck or the wrong reasoning, even if correct, count for participation credit only). Please include your screen name somewhere in the email.
• Post a comment simply saying you have emailed your solution attempt. I may not be able to reply to your original email promptly, so please be patient and check back on the comment thread for the latest news; I may confirm correct answers there.

You have until 11pm PT tonight to submit your answer. Solution will be posted tomorrow. Good luck!

Hint 1: Clues to the first step in the solution are highlighted in blue. Once you have "run the numbers on the table" you'll need to convert them somehow into a coherent message.

Hint 2: Added a clarification after each the clues for step 1.

Hint 3: Highlighted additional clues in the description that might be helpful for step 2. The title is also a hint regarding step 2.

A Brief Word from the Board of Direrctors

Dear readership,

In light of current events, the Board would like to assure our loyal clientele that the upcoming VORP release has been deemed fit for human consumption! Rest assured that quality control team will continue its rigorous testing program to insure that a error-free and sanitary product is delivered for optimal brain satisfaction.

In a related note, laboratory testing has determined that any exposure to the fungal bloom discovered in the break room last week will almost certainly not not be fatal. For those of you still under quarantine, we sincerely apologize for the inconvenience.

Perspicaciously yours,
The Board

Solution: The Lasorda Code

Here's the solution to the VORP #3. First, you had to determine the relationship of the players listed. You'll notice first that they are all in order by their uniform number

Lasorda - 2

Sax - 3
Nomar - 5
Loney - 7
Mota - 11
Cora - 13
Ishii - 17
Gilliam - 19
Gibson - 23
Beltre - 29
Piazza - 31
Dreifort -37
Shaw - 41
Ashby - 43
Orosco - 47
Drysdale - 53
Mota - 59
Park - 61

They're all prime numbers! If the prime numbers are applied sequentially to the flavortext, a intelligible message can be deciphered. The second letter is a "W", three letters after that is "H", etc.

---

I was home for a typical evening game. Lasorda was up in the booth giving this bombastic speech about all time dodger greats like Sax and Nomar.

Who? Did he just misspeak?

Meanwhile, Loney picked a short hop for the second out of the frame. His story soon moved to Manny Mota’s pinch hitting then Alex Cora’s memorable marathon at-bat.

“Just my hearing, I guess.” I made a mental note to get it checked out.

But then, in an inexplicable moment, he was rambling about Kazuhisa Ishii!

Is my mind playing tricks on me? What about Jim Gilliam or Kirk Gibson? Even Beltre had the one great year! I doubt I’m alone in wanting to remember Piazzas as opposed to the Dreiforts of Dodger history. Now, Vin, he can make even a Jeff Shaw interesting. Or even Andy Ashby if he really worked at it. The man had called games seasons even before Jesse Orosco was born!

That got me thinking. Was the skipper really trying to teach me that being able to see one like Don Drysdale in Dodger blue, it’s worth waiting through 100 Guillermo Motas? “Hey, that’s deep for such an old blowhard,” I thought. So, will there be some eventual cosmic payoff for watching the game when Park served up two slams in an inning?

“Better be damned good” I muttered.

---

The message we have decoded is "WHO CAUGHT MORE GAMES IN OOs", to which the answer is Paul Lo Duca, by 39 games over Martin. Congratulations to those who answered correctly. The initial standings will be posted shortly.

The Lasorda Code

Welcome off-day refugees. VORP classic round 3 is officially underway.

---

I was home for a typical evening game. Lasorda was up in the booth giving this bombastic speech about all time Dodger greats like Sax and Nomar.
Who? Did he just misspeak?

Meanwhile, Loney picked a short hop for the second out of the frame. His story soon moved to Manny Mota’s pinch hitting then Alex Cora’s memorable marathon at-bat.

“Just my hearing, I guess.” I made a mental note to get it checked out.

But then, in an inexplicable moment, he was rambling about Kazuhisa Ishii!

Is my mind playing tricks on me? What about Jim Gilliam or Kirk Gibson? Even Beltre had the one great year! I doubt I’m alone in wanting to remember Piazzas as opposed to the Dreiforts of Dodger history. Now, Vin, he can make even a Jeff Shaw interesting. Or even Andy Ashby if he really worked at it. The man had called games seasons even before Jesse Orosco was born!

That got me thinking. Was the skipper really trying to teach me that being able to see one like Don Drysdale in Dodger blue, it’s worth waiting through 100 Guillermo Motas? “Hey, that’s deep for such an old blowhard,” I thought. So, will there be some eventual cosmic payoff for watching the game when Park served up two slams in an inning?

“Better be damned good” I muttered.

---

The answer to the puzzle is a Dodger. Comment freely in the thread, but if you have the solution, please don't give it away to everyone in the comments section. Instead, do the following:

• Email me with the first and last name of the Dodger player who is the answer, along with your reasoning. Partial credit may be awarded at the discretion of the board of directors. Please include your screen name somewhere in the email.
• Post in the comments notifying me you have mailed you solution attempt.
  

You have until 11pm PT tonight to submit your answer. The solution will be posted tomorrow. Good luck!

Dodgers v. Sox - As Much Fun as One Can Have While Being Mauled by a Baboon

Solution: I Don't Feel Well

This puzzle has two distinct parts, along with several little hints along the way to get you going in the right direction, so to speak. Let's look at Campanella's riddle first.

“In flesh and blood and bone and joint,
I greet you well, but here's the point.
If you your wandering soul would tame
First hear me out then speak your name.
My sigil tens and ones provide
Then trophies for the rivals’ side
The clipper's hallowed sequence next
Then digits worn by one who's vexed
By queen of flushing's bitter cup
Last count those Loney tallied up
One fateful day in Denver-town.”

He sets up the question in the first four lines, and begins the riddle proper in line 5 "My sigil tens and ones provide". The clues all seem to imply numbers, so we take Campanella's 39 for the "tens and ones". Next, we'll take the trailing clues in sequence.

Trophies for the rivals side = 0 (SF Giants Championships)
The Clipper's hallowed sequence = 56 (DiMaggio's hitting streak)
Number worn by one who's vexed = 97 (old friend Joe Beimel)
Loney tallied up...in Denver-town = 9 (Record for RBI's in a game)

If the first numbers were tens and ones, then these would probably be on the right side of the decimal point. We get a result of 39.056979. That doesn't do anything for us on it's own, so let's move on to the creepy pitcher's clue (remembering that you walked west).

"It counts for naught that us you knew
If you cannot remember YOU!
The catcher's riddle struck you dumb?
For us, you now must take our sum.
Ducal XBH in blue,
Then games we trailed but soon recouped
In one score hundred year and four.
Just one last clue, now count the score
The nine and fifty innings straight
The bulldog threw in eighty-eight.
The name you find will be your own."

They state that you should take their sum. 58 for Billingsley plus 36 for Weaver gets you 94. The next clues follow in form with the first set.

Ducal extra base hits in blue = 814 (Duke Snider's career XBH's as a Dodger)
Trailed but lead...one score hundred = 53 (Come back wins in 2004)
Score in nine and fifty innings straight = 0 (Orel's consecutive scoreless record)

The result is 94.814530, using the same method as the first set. If we take include the directional clues, we get North 39.056979, West 94.814530. Now that, we can use! Dropping those coordinates into Google Maps gets you just west of Kansas City (KC) to "Blake Street".

Being the geography wizard that you are, of course you shout "Casey Blake" when prompted for your name!

Thanks to all those who participated. Updated standings will be posted shortly.

I Don't Feel Well

"Are you ok, son?"

Bright light filters through your closed eyelids.

"Can you hear me?"
You open one eye cautiously and are reminded that you have a searing headache. "I can hear you. Where am I?", You ask.

"Don't you remember? This is the team bus. You had a very casual attitude about how hot that evil pepper was. I bet it will be a long time before you do that again"

You stare at the older gentleman in front of you, trying to decide why he seems familiar. "Why are we here again?"

"Why?!"

You are not feeling well.

"You're on the team!"

No, you are not feeling well at all.

"Snap out of it, you're...", he pleads, but darkness swallows you.

---

You are standing in an open field. A finely groomed playing surface extends as far as the eye can see in every direction. You arbitrarily choose to walk north. You are mesmerized by what seems like miles of pristine lawn passing beneath your feet. Eventually, you come before a man crouched behind home plate. He slowly stands and removes his mask.

"Roy Campanella!"

“In flesh and blood and bone and joint,
I greet you well, but here's the point.
If you your wandering soul would tame
First hear me out then speak your name.
My sigil tens and ones provide
Then trophies for the rivals’ side
The clipper's hallowed sequence next
Then digits worn by one who's vexed
By queen of flushing's bitter cup
Last count those Loney tallied up
One fateful day in Denver-town.”

Before you can react, Campy resumes his watch behind the plate, leaving you troubled.

"Well, if there's a Catcher, there must be a Pitcher" You shrug as you turn to the west, hoping that what you find will be less confusing than this little encounter.

Again, time passes without measure. The setting sun is casting long shadows across your cleats. You stare into the bright sun, but you can't make out who or what might be before you. Suddenly, you find yourself standing on a pitchers mound, along with not one pitcher, but two!

"Hey, you're Jeff Weaver and Chad Billingsley! I know you guys!" They begin to speak in perfect unison.

"It counts for naught that us you knew
If you cannot remember YOU!
The catcher's riddle struck you dumb?
For us, you now must take our sum.
Ducal XBH in blue,
Then games we trailed but soon recouped
In one score hundred year and four.
Just one last clue, now count the score
The nine and fifty innings straight
The bulldog threw in eighty-eight.
The name you find will be your own."

"I confess there is a creepiness factor here that I wasn't expecting." you say, slowly backing off the mound. You trip on a rosin bag, and suddenly you are falling. You brace yourself for impact, but it doesn't come...

---

You open your eyes to find you are still lying in the team bus. Joe Torre is standing over you, looking concerned.

"You blacked out on me . Do you even know who you are?"

You ponder his question for a moment, but you suddenly realize what your subconscious was telling you. "Of course I do! I'm..."

---

The answer to the puzzle is a Dodger. Comment freely in the thread, but if you have the solution, please don't give it away to everyone in the comments section. Instead, do the following:

• email me with the first and last name of the Dodger who is the answer, along with your reasoning (answers arrived at via luck or the wrong reasoning, even if correct, count for participation credit only). Please include your screen name somewhere in the email.
• Post a comment simply saying you have emailed your solution attempt. I may not be able to reply to your original email promptly, so please be patient and check back on the comment thread for the latest news; I may confirm correct answers there.

You have until 11pm PT tonight to submit your answer. Solution will be posted tomorrow. Good luck!

In Which I Say Something Non-Derogatory about Mr. Selig.

Though I dislike you, by general rule.
And don't care for your All-Star game retool,
Your conduct's suspicious,
Please depart expeditious.
Still, thank God for your unbalanced schedule.

Things That Exist

FACT 1:



FACT 2:



They're still around (some places, at least)

Jamey Carroll, this one's for you, you tiny, beautiful bastard.

Boom-de-yadda

I hate the Giants
I hate misplayed pop flies
I hate Stairs pinch hits
I hate Bill Plaschke's lies
I hate Joe Morgan
And all he represents
Boom-de-yadda, boom-de-yadda
Boom-de-yadda, boom-de-yadda

I hate the Yankees
I hate the MSBs
I hate Bond's noggin
And Sweeney 0-for-3's
I hate Chris Berman
And all his east-coast love
Boom-de-yadda, boom-de-yadda
Boom-de-yadda, boom-de-yadda

I hate the Phillies
I hate smug Angel geeks
I hate bad grammar
And Padre winning streaks
I hate blocked comments,
Conflicting edits, too!
Boom-de-yadda, boom-de-yadda
Boom-de-yadda, boom-de-yadda

---

HT to rbnlaw and SoSG for the inspiration.

Solution: A Grain of Truth

Here's the solution to yesterday's VORP installment.

You were presented with a puzzle in the shape of an hourglass. the top bulb contains a cryptic clue, but the bottom bulb contains gibberish. I guess we should start with the top, then! Reading through, we are instructed to "Erode away all the other options" to find the "Grain of Truth", so there must be something more to the top passage than meets the eye.

The "glass" is full of sand, so not much can be eroded that way. letting "gravity" work on each by dropping the contents of the upper half to the lower yields interesting results.

---

FL
IP
TODE
CODE
OUCROEET
RERLBESF
NGDEEEGPTHIN
ESTELUTEAWOR
ITOTHHDLRTIESG
VUSOURCKHLEAYS
TSEOHTOJBUAIONET
IJDYFTUKSAGOFTAU
ESHITKAMNEPEXNOSCI
GSNYOFRDREVOVLTWLC
ETPREMATODMGOWASAU
EQOAGALHGATETOIOAL
MYAGZADODDREERFLUHMM
ETUNOSSIEALNFACAQOPC
ULAHVJEGAMMOHTITIOAV
WAVOERTDSOTYAMRSRICK

---

OK, that makes sense. It is an hourglass after all. When we turn over the puzzle and apply the same solution, we get this -

---

TO
MM
YLAS
ORDA
MANAGEDT
THEDODGE
RSAFTERHISRE
TIREMENTODJV
RACTEVSKDLASOO
ILFOGPBJMAMAZH
IQIOVOAKCURFGANV
OUAWXEULDOAKERGA
COOTLOGHTURTFOYOUA
AHSONIARGEHTHTIPAL
PAWTFELEBLLUOYDNQT
MASNOITPOREHTOEHTY
KLLAYAWAEDORETSUJSEW
VUCESEHTEDOCEDOTSSEU
CCUSROFSEPICERSEVIGE
MITGNITEELFTUOGNITEM

---

"Tommy Lasorda managed the Dodgers after his retirement." A quick trip to verify with your baseball reference of choice, and you will know that Walter Alston immediately preceded Tommy when he took over the club.

Thanks to all those who participated. Initial standings will be posted shortly.

A Grain of Truth

Welcome off-day refugees. The inaugural VORP classic is officially underway.

---

Baseball is a game without a time limit, but these off-day puzzles are not. If you can't find a solution in the time allotted to you, you take your participation points and your pride and go home. There will be no extra innings, so don't underestimate the gravity of the situation. Your timer starts...NOW!

---

METINGOUTFLEETINGTIM
EGIVESRECIPESFORSUCC
ESSTODECODETHESECU
ESJUSTERODEAWAYALL
THEOTHEROPTIONSA
NDYOULLBELEFTW
ITHTHEGRAINO
FTRUTHGO
ODLU
CK
JB
UKSA
KAMNEPEX
YOFRDREVOVLT
PREMATODMGOWAS
QOAGALHGATETOIOA
YAGZADODDREERFLUHM
TUNOSSIEALNFACAQOP
ULAHVJEGAMMOHTITIOAV
WAVOERTDSOTYAMRSRICK

---

Just like in the PCS, the answer to the puzzle is a Dodger. Comment freely in the thread, but if you have the solution, please don't give it away to everyone in the comments section. Instead, do the following:

• E-mail me with the first and last name of the Dodger who is the answer, along with your reasoning. Please include your screen name in your email.
• Post a comment simply saying you have emailed your solution attempt. I may not be able to reply to your original email immediately, so please be patient and check back on the comment thread for the latest news; I will confirm correct answers there.
• Points will be assigned based on the time your correct e-mail response was received.

You have until 11pm PT tonight to submit your answer. Solution will be posted tomorrow. Good luck!

Hint #1: Added link above

Hint #2: Decode the hidden message in the top bulb by following the pull of "gravity", then do as the hidden message instructs to solve the bottom bulb.

Hint #3: ------------------------------------>

Hint #4 - The method to solve the puzzle works a little like the game shown on the post game thread on SoSG from last night.

Surely, you have nothing better to do

In response to the the contraction of the PCS season, the board of directors has voted to institute a sensible alternative (final vote: 1 for, 0 against) to relieve the monotony of those summer days without baseball. On days (other than Mondays) when the Dodgers are not playing, a puzzle will be posted for your viewing enjoyment. It's a little thing I like to call "Value Over Replacement Puzzle"

The rules are simple. The puzzle will be posted at 8:00 AM. When you have a solution, E-mail your answer to the address on the sidebar and post a notification in the comments. Sound familiar? Here's the lineup.

• May 13
• June 10
• July 1
  
• July 14
  
• September 2
  

Because there always needs to be a meaningless distinction between leagues, there will be a few differences in the scoring system. When the puzzle is posted, each solver starts with 90 points, with 10 bonus points being awarded to the first correct solution. Every 15 minutes, 1 point will be subtracted from that total. A solution submitted at 10 am scores 82 points, while one submitted at 2pm scores 66, etc. If a player does not submit a correct solution before 11:00 pm, participation in the thread is still worth 10 points.

Rankings for the VORP classic will be calculated by a weighted total. The most recently solved puzzle will be worth 3 times the puzzle score, the previous puzzle will be worth twice the score, and older puzzles will be counted normally.